Guest Post at Knowing the Difference

Check it out!  Today I'm guest posting over at the ever-charming and lovely Mandy's place!  If you don't already follow her blog, please give it a whirl.  She is one of the most insightful and genuine people I've met on the web!

Law School Lessons

9As I begin my LAST! SEMESTER! EVER! (I'm sorry, all-caps really was necessary there...) I've been thinking about the lessons I've learned in law school.  Those lessons have nothing to do with my classes.  Sure, I've packed my brain chock full of legal minutiae, but classes have been more about rote memorization (with a little terrorization, boredom, and pretentiousness thrown in) than actual learning.  

That said, as much as I love to take nasty cracks about law school, part of me will always appreciate the experience simply because I feel that I've grown up during the past 3 years.  I entered law school with low self-esteem and very little direction other than "I want to help kids!"  I can honestly say that I'm leaving law school a little wiser, a lot more grown-up, ten times more confident, and happy with who I am.  It took 3 years, 93 credit hours of excruciating classes, and over $100K, but I feel stronger than I ever have.

I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I can hold my own.

In no way to I mean the above sentence to be some kind of arrogant revelation about my intelligence.  I do decently in school, but I am definitely not a brilliant legal mind.  Some people just have a knack for legal reasoning, and I am NOT one of those people (I don't even go to professor's office hours because I have nothing to ask).  At the beginning of law school, I was so intimidated by the "smart" people who seemed to know all the answers in class, and I started to consider myself legally dumb.  Elle Woods before she bought the orange laptop.  In fact, I felt this way throughout my first two years of law school.  But, every once in awhile, something surprisingly bright comes out of my mind, especially when talking about child advocacy and guardianship law (my area of focus).  I've realized lately that I do know what I'm talking about.  At my job, I find solutions and help win cases.  I may not be in the top 10% of my class, but I can do this.  I can hang with the lawyers!

Never, ever lie.  And hiding information = lying.

Not that I recall telling any whoppers in law school, but more than ever I've realized the importance of honestly and full disclosure.  Just put in on the table.   This is true at work (Dear client, please do not forget to tell me that your new boyfriend assaulted your soon-to-be ex-husband) and in personal relationships (S. and I have finally figured out it's easiest when we're just brutally honest).  

I can get through anything.  ANYTHING.

During law school, I experienced my biggest failure ever.  I have never struggled in school, but my 1L year was the human equivalent of the Hindenburg (lucky for me, I am not filled with flammables).  After I got my first year grades, I had a massive breakdown, cried non stop for at least 24 hours and most of the next 72, and vowed to never enter the law building again.  I avoided my friends all summer and could hardly even look my parents in the face.  But when I came back for my 2L year, I managed to hold my head high and carry on.  So maybe I bombed my first year but I've done pretty well since then.  I even told several of my friends and no one seemed to think less of me.  And you know what?  I actually feel stronger for it.  I know now that I can completely flop and I'll still have the love and respect of my family and friends.  I learned that my grades don't mean anything, because I do well at my job and can hold my own in the legal world.  Mostly, I learned that I can survive anything.  And if I can survive anything, there's no reason not to try everything.  :) 

Without friends, life is nothing!

There is absolutely NO WAY I could have toiled through the past 3 years without my friends--law school comrades, college besties, new blogger friends, and even rediscovered high school acquaintances have all been so supportive.   Random friends often remind me that getting through law school IS an accomplishment, something that's easy to forget when you're surrounded by other jaded law students.  College friends keep my laughing with funny memories, remind me that there is life outside of school, and make me remember who I really am.  Law school friends commiserate and drink with you.  

Be nice to everyone--they may help you get a job.

As I continue the gut-wrenching process known as the job search, I've found that the most random connections are helping me out.  Getting back in touch with a college friend, people that work with my sister, even my former boss's husband.  You never know who is going to be the persons who introduces you to your future employer.  More than that, I am constantly shocked at how virtual strangers are willing to help a new graduate.  In a small way, it renews my faith in professionals.

Law school may be a beast, but I am SO blessed & fortunate that it's been my biggest life challenge.

As I've said many times, when I came to law school, my only direction was "I want to help kids!"  Several times during the past 3 years, I have lost sight of that original goal.  Other areas of law occasionally interested me, and my six figure debt makes working for a lucrative firm sound like a clever idea.  Fortunately, I've had the opportunity to intern at some amazing places, including a poverty law organization, which have helped keep my grounded.  While I'm not above occasionally feeling sorry for myself, I try to remember how uncomplicated my life is.  I never worry about not having enough to eat or having my heat turned off.  I have a family who loves me unconditionally.  I have never been a victim of violence.  I have no children, nieces, nephews, or grandchildren to support.  I have been given the opportunity to educate myself, and my family has always encouraged that education.  I have friends I can call if I need help, or if I'm just feeling low.  I have reliable transportation and can pay my bills each month.  I've never had to make the decision to go back to a man who abuses me because he pays the electric bill.  I've never had to wait alone in a cold apartment for my mother to come back from a drug run.  My clients always remind me that I am beyond blessed.  I've been given every opportunity in life, and that's why I'm using my career to help people who haven't had the same chance.  I hope I never forget that. 

I could go on and on, but these are the lessons I feel the most acutely.  Law school has been an experience in more ways than one, and one that I have mixed feelings about.  On on hand, if I could go back and talk to my 23 year-old self, I'm not certain I'd tell her to still go to law school.  On the other hand, I'm a firm believe that we shouldn't regret life experiences because they make us who we are.  At any rate, it's (almost) over and done with, and so I'll live and learn...

...but 4 p.m. at May 9, 2009 cannot come soon enough!  

Standing Still.

Apparently, updating my blog regularly was NOT a new year's resolution.  Oops.  Perhaps that's more of a commentary on my lack of inspiration lately, but I just haven't found anything worth writing down...or time to do it.  Even as I type the previous sentence, I know it's not entirely true.  I am inspried.  Maybe I'm just having writer's block...or maybe I am just doing really well at my resolution to spend less time on the computer (I am!).  

Suffice to say, I have been going crazy getting back into the swing of school (still hasn't happened), working at Legal Aid (still there), searching for a job (still unemployed), and fighting the crazy weather here (still icy/snowy outside!).  

Still.  

That's a good way to sum up how I'm feeling.  Like I'm standing still, stuck until I figure out the job situation.  Each thing on my mind is linked and can't seem to progress until the other things are figured out:  Where will I take the bar exam?  Where will I get a job?  Will things work out with S.?  Will I finally find an apartment that I love?    Will I...??????  The questions never end.

And yet, amazingly, I am a stark raving HAPPY.  Even though I am staring into the face of some MAJOR life decisions, nothing seems to shake me so much I can't bounce back from it in a few hours.  For example, I was freaking out earlier this afternoon about the job situation, scrambling all over the internet looking for opportunities.   As soon as I walked away from my computer, I forgot my stress and was just happy to be running errands, making dinner, and cuddling with Lucy-dog.  I can't seem to stop the happiness, even when everything else is up in the air.

Maybe this is a lesson in patience for me, which is a virtue I absolutely, 100% do NOT possess.  Maybe it's just a sign of the economy.  Maybe it's a quarter-life stage rite of passage.  Maybe it's part of my fate.  At the least, it's a moment for me to catch my breath before the real rat-race of finals, graduation, taking the bar, and working.  

Heck, I'm just along for the ride.  :)

New Year's Resolutions

I realize that many people abhor the idea of New Year's resolutions, and even fewer people keep them.  Regardless of the "keeping" element, I do think it's good to take time--whether it's once a year or each month--to evaluate how much you like your life, the direction it's going, and the choices you make.  For me, I try to take stock each season because it just feels right.  As the weather changes, I should take time to look at what I'm doing and determine if it's working for me.  So in honor of 2009 (the year I finish school FOREVER!) and the official coming of winter, here are my new goals:

1. Turn off the TV more often.  I did a pretty good job at this when I first got home from Chile, but I've been bad lately.  I am one of the few people who actually study better with noise than without--something about the action of tuning-out background noise helps me concentrate on the task as hand better.  However, I also have a habit of turning on the TV after 9 p.m., largely because Lucy-dog is comatose at that hour and the quietness unnerves me.  But also, there is nothing but bad reality shows on after 9, so I'm not really sure why I have the TV on in the first place.  Goal:  listen to iTunes instead of TV.  Let TV be a treat, and only watch when something I really want to see is on.  Exceptions for football and basketball games!

2. On the flip side, I want to spend less time on my computer.  While I love reading friends' blogs, doing online crossword puzzles, and reading the Times/Post/Idealist, I do NOT need to waste time checking J.Crew's sale page each day or on Facebook.  In fact, I am just flat-out irritated with the FB (and will reserve that issue for another post).  Once I leave school, there is really no reason to be on my computer unless I'm researching my Race & the Law paper or checking my e-mail once or twice.  That leaves extra time for 3, 4, & 5!

3. Choose outfits at night.  I am AWFUL at wasting time in the morning by throwing on one outfit, taking it off, and trying another.  On any given morning, there will be 2-4 cycles of outfits...and I usually return to the first option.  When I lived at home, this drove my mother crazy, and when I had a boyfriend (pick any one) they hated it too.  I am perpetually late and it often has to do with the outfit picking routine.  Goal:  Take 20 minutes at night to choose the next day's attire.  Try it on at night to make sure I like it.  I don't mind staying up 20 minutes later a night to do this, but I cannot keep being 20 minutes late in the morning.

4. Walk Lucy-dog EVERY DAY, no exceptions.  Ok, pouring rain is an exception, but she hates rain anyway.  Ms. Lucy does get walked about 5 times a week, but sometimes I leave at 8:30 a.m. and get home at 5 p.m. and I'm just too.darn.tired to muster up the energy to deal with squirrel stalking and muddy paws.  But on those days I do rally for the w-a-l-k, I usually end up feeling more energized afterwards, even if it's just for 20 minutes around the neighborhood.  And a walked Lucy-dog is a sweet, cuddly, baby.  A non-walked Lucy digs in trash cans and eats old Kleenex.  Point taken. 

5. Make a new dish each week.  First things to try:  CIA's honey-wheat bread, Ina's citrus roasted chicken, and Christopher's curry pork burgers.  

6. Ride my bike to school instead of driving.  I'm actually really excited about this one.  My sweet new bike, a birthday gift from S., arrived this week, and I can't wait to put my milk crate on the back, basket on the front, and start adventuring around Louisville.  I get so, so, so tired of dealing with traffic on the way to school, and I figure the ride will only take my an extra 5 minutes each way (and remember, I'm going to save more time in the morning because I won't be choosing 18 new outfits!).  I've wanted a nice bike for a long time, and I am ridiculously excited about my new wheels!  I've already named her (obviously) Jenny.  :)

7. Have a good rough draft of my Race & the Law paper by spring break.  This is non-negotiable.  I know this class is going to be a bear, and I really admire and respect the professor (and may or may not have a hopeless crush on him...) and want to turn in a piece of work I'm proud of.  I am a life-long procrastinator and doer-at-the-last-minute, so this will be a challenge but very worth it. 

8. This kills me to write, but I'm really trying:  Be the best Maid of Honor possible.  My very best friend is getting married in March, and it's a big ol' Southern affair.  I am NOT a wedding person and I generally just show up for the open bar and to check out what everyone else is wearing....but this is really, really important to her, and so I will plan showers and bachelorettes, I will wear a dress that matches my shoes (kill.me.now) & 7 other women, and I will do my best to make sure it's the happiest day possible.  Luckily, she's an amazing girl and non-bridezilla-esque, so this is more about me getting over my wedding disgust (5 years of working at a bridal shop will do that do you...) because she deserves to have everything she wants out of a wedding. 

9. Go to the gym (or the pool) 4 times a week.  Self-explanatory. 

10. This is the biggie:  Work on my self-confidence.  My lack of self-love is 26 years in the making, but I'm determined to see myself in a better light.  I will never be the tiniest girl in the room, but I'm going to celebrate my curves.  I have good hair & a decent shoe collection.  I'm nice (ahem, after 10 a.m.  I'll just never be a morning person...).  When someone compliments me, I'm going to say, "Why thank you!" instead of, "Whatever."  For some reason--perhaps my Midwestern upbringing--I've always associated self-confidence with arrogance, but I know that there's a dividing line.  Feeling good about myself isn't arrogant, it's enlightening.  

11.  And the second biggie:  Find a job I love.   I will have a law-related job before the bar exam.  I will.  I WILL.  I've got a killer cover letter & resume (my first step in self-confidence building was selling myself on paper) and I'm working on my interview skills (less giggling, more direct eye contact, etc.).  I will have a job before July 28th.  I just WILL.

So there it is--my over-zealousness in print form.  The good news is that I'm so close to accomplishing most of these goals already.  I tried very hard to not set realistic expectations for myself, and I believe I've set achievable standards.  Here's to new beginnings & happier times!

Happy 2009!  

Rejections & Realizations

I've said it 10,000 times:  Break ups suck.  There's no way to sugar coat it, folks.  The only thing worse than the break-up is getting back out into the dating world afterwards.  I successfully managed to put off this great job until this week.  

Let me just say, it was not good. 

Against all my better judgment, I agree to let my 36-and-single cousin fix me up with one of his 36-and-single frat brothers.  Who just happens to be a doctor.  A plastic surgeon, actually.  A plastic surgeon doctor who is so busy that e-mail was the "best" way to reliably get in touch with him.  Does anyone else see the flashing red lights???  Yeah, me too.

In short, I got rejected...in an e-mail.  Yup.  The jerk didn't even wait to meet me before blowing me off.  I'm not really bitter...yet.  More like irritated with a small side of bitter.  So first, here are my tips for the bum:  First, please take the time to get to know before you decide that you can't deal with my mild neuroses, untamable hair, and penchant for shoes I can't afford.  Don't give me the brush off just because you're 10 years older than me and my cousin set us up (which could be part of the issue).  Don't assume that just because I've never been to your office, I don't have boobs--I do!  Don't ignore be because I spent 20 minutes crafting the perfectly sweet-but-short introductory e-mail, which I sent to two friends for suggestions before ever sending to you.  And most of all, don't be a pretentious asshole and tell me you might have a "moment" to meet with me--have the balls to say "No thanks, I'd rather not," or be decent enough to lie and say that you'd love to meet me for a drink next week and just judge me after you meet me.  

No matter how many times my friends tell me that it's his loss, he's a freak/loser/jerk, I still can't help but feel inadequate.  Why doesn't he want to meet me?  Did he see a picture of me and decide I was a no-go?  Is the 10 year age gap too much for him?  Does he think I'm still a giggling sorority girl? Maybe it's my nose.  I hate my nose.  He's a plastic surgeon, so I bet he hated my nose too.  What if he just hates lawyers (entirely plausible)?

And then I realized:  A man I don't even know has made me question my self-worth.  More importantly, I realized that this isn't about him, it's about ME.  About my insecurity with dating again.  My unwillingness to "get back out there."  My refusal to meet my potential future husband at a bar.  After being rejected by a guy I spent almost 5 years with, I am still not ready for rejection by someone I don't even know.  Maybe I've been single for almost an entire year now, but the wounds are still pretty fresh.  Being rejected by a stranger stinks, but the worst part is that it brings back memories of being pushed away by someone you gave your heart to.

So maybe I'm just not ready to get back out there, and that is totally fine.  I've spent 5 years focusing on someone else, so maybe it's time to date myself.  To give myself the energy, attention, and effort I've been spending on men.  In 2009, I'll take care of myself.  I'll exfoliate more and stress less (umm, let's ignore the bar exam for the moment).  I'm going to spend the weekends doing things I like instead of wondering why I don't have a date.  I'm going to learn to sew and surf (yes, I'm going to surf!).  I'm going to make myself happy.  I'm going to fall in love with me.

I deleted Mr. Dr.'s e-mail this morning without any real hard feelings.  Without him, I might not have focused on my next relationship.

Christmas Meme

Here's yet another meme instead of something substantive, because 1) I'm still being subjected to silly final exams, and 2) I've got a death-cold that has me sneezing and coughing so much that even my dog is annoyed.  Here's to a happier holiday & the upcoming break from madness!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?  PAPER!  Damn the trees, I want to rip open the paper and tear at ribbons!

2. Real tree or artificial?  I would love to have a real tree, but seeing that I'm allergic to everything on the planet, real trees just give me headaches and hives.  I've got 4 artificial trees & I'm not done yet!

3. When do you put up the tree?  Well that's a funny story...seeing as that my law school likes to start final exams the Monday after Thanksgiving, putting up a tree the day after Thanksgiving isn't really an option.  I've started putting mine up somewhere between my birthday and turkey day, but I'm hoping to go back to the ol' day-after routine next year. 

4. When do you take the tree down?  The week after new year's.  Any longer and it's just too depressing.  Plus, I like to start the new year with a clean and uncluttered home.

5. Do you like eggnog?  NO.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?  If 22 counts as a child, my Kitchen Aid mixer.  Hands down BEST.GIFT.EVER.  My parents did it perfectly:  it was completely unexpected & something I had wanted for at least a decade.  I squealed like a little girl!

7. Hardest person to buy for?  My brother-in-law.

8. Easiest person to buy for?  My dog. 

9. Do you have a nativity scene?  No.  I'm holding out until I inherit my mom's wooden set that rotates & plays Silent Night.  I used to watch it for hours as a kid.

10. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?  Seriously, people e-mail holiday cards?  TACKY.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?  Anything from my Aunt Elizabeth.  I'm pretty sure I got a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt when I was 20.

12.  Favorite Christmas movie?  Tie between The Christmas Carol with George C. Scott (a Christmas Eve tradition at our house) and Prancer. 

13.  When do you start shopping for Christmas?  Post-finals.  I like the mad-dash.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?  I'm pretty sure all my girlfriends and I did that in elementary school...

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?  Umm.....I have to choose one???  Ribbon candy, chex mix, honey ham, any type of cookie, WINE,  meatballs....we have quite a spread on Christmas day!

16. Lights on the tree?  Surprisingly, I have all white lights because they match my ornament themes, but as a child I preferred colored lights.  I love them if they are done in a retro way. 

17. Favorite Christmas song?  "O Holy Night."  Anita Bryant has a great version, but nothing beats a guy at my parent's church who sings it a cappella at midnight.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?  HOME.  Every once in awhile, I am jealous of people who take ski vacations or go to the beach, but then I'm surrounded by my goofy family and I realize that NO ONE has a better holiday than we do.  

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?  Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blizen, Rudolph.  

20. Angel on the tree top or star?  I prefer a Star.  My grandma had one with lights and I thought she was rich. 

21. Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning?  Neither.  Our family opens them after lunch!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?  Do I really need to answer this?  FINALS. They have ruined both my Thanksgiving and my Christmas for 3 years now.  

23.  Favorite ornament theme or color?  I love retro trees with old-school glass and metal ornaments and uber-bright colors.  My "fun" tree has lime green, bright red, turquiose blue, and silver.  I try not to play favorites, but I love that tree 10x more than my "classy" living room tree. 

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?  As previously mentioned, my mom makes a great buffet of finger foods for Christmas lunch--soup, meatballs, ham and turkey sandwiches on silver dollar buns, and tons of cookies.  For supper, we eat the leftovers.  It's casual and perfect.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?  For fluff, I need some work-appropriate clothes and I'd love the Southern Living cookbook.  For serious, I want my grandma back.

Happy Holidays!!!!  

Perspective

My dear friend Lu is truly super woman.   She is a law student, a fiancée, and a mother to the most adorable almost-one-year-old you'll ever see.  Not to mention the 10,000 extracurriculars she's involved in, and her adorable apartment, andandand.  She is every woman.  However, even Lu has those days where everything seems like a struggle just to keep treading the water.  She often tells me that the TLC show John & Kate Plus 8 is her "perspective show" for those days when she's at her wits end and feels terrible.  I could be worse, she could have 8 children under 6, right?!?!

Yesterday, I had a perspective day.  I experienced a series of events which reminded me that I am the luckiest person in the world, simply because I have a heated apartment, friends I can talk to about anything, and I will never truly go hungry.  No, this is not one of those self-righteous rants about being grateful for what you have (although you should...).  It's merely a reflection on my day, and perhaps even a call to take a moment for gratitude & reflection on how truly, deeply lucky we blog-readers/writers are.  

I woke up yesterday morning in a not-so-pleasant mood, largely because it was cold, I didn't have time to make coffee (SIN!), I couldn't get the pilot light on my oven lit, and I'm coming down with a cold.  While I spent 20 minutes fiddling with the pilot, I started obsessing about the impending finals, the fact that my dog hates me, missing my family, etc.  By 10 a.m., I had worked myself into a tizzy of worry & stress.  By 2 p.m., my entire viewpoint changed. 

Yesterday at work, we mediated the most heartbreaking case ever.  EVER.  Our client is a very young woman who has spent most of her life living in a refugee camp, so badly beaten that she still bears physical scars, and her parents are still overseas in the camp.  She is here in a foreign city, completely alone, trying to raise her children on virtually no income, and going through a horrible divorce.  There are so many more awful details to this case that I can't discuss, but believe you me, it was devastating.  Today was the only day I've ever cried at work.  In front of my boss.  And she was crying, too.

Lesson learned:  Whenever I miss my family, I need to stop and realize they are an hour away.  One hour.  That's it.  I can call them, I can drive to see them, and I do it often (in fact, I met my mom for dinner last night).  In fact, I have a home to go to, and it's lovely and warm and full of very happy memories.  I don't know what it's like to be forced out of the country I've always known & shoved in a crowded camp.  I don't know what it's like to never be able to go back home.  I have never known hunger and my parents won't ever let me, even if I'm too old to be turning to them.  If I need help, my parents are able to feed me, clothe me, and make sure my heat stays turned on and my dog has food.  They are always, ALWAYS there for me & support me with very few questions asked.  I don't even know the true meaning of homesick or alone.  

At dinner, my mom and I had a conversation about happy topics:  domestic violence and poverty.  We discussed the sad, hard truth that several of my clients go back to their abusive spouses because of financial reasons.  Without delving into the discussion at length, let me just say that we talked at length about the topic, and by the end of dinner, I was just whispering "thank you, God, thank you God..."

Lesson learned:  I am beyond lucky because I've never had to make a choice between someone who might hurt me and being warm and/or having a full belly.  Enough said.

After dinner with mama, I was doing my nightly routine of FBing/stalking, when a good friend from high school sent me a message--her grandmother has terminal cancer and they are stopping treatment.  My friend is dearly close to her grandmother, who is a wondering, spunky woman that doesn't quite realize that she's 85.  Naturally, my friend is floored.  I hardy knew what to say, because how do you tell someone it's going to be ok when you know that (at least for awhile) it's not?

Lesson learned:  I may still be mourning my own perfect, irreplaceable grandmother, but at least I'm through the worst.  She's not suffering at all now.  She passed so peaceably, we couldn't have wished more for her.  The initial "noooooooooooo" has worn off, and I'm (slowly) moving through my grief.  I'm still sad every single day, but I'm beginning to think of her and laugh more and cry less.  I have my mom and my sister to share stories with.  Most of all, I had her for 93 wonderful years.  She was the perfect, and I do mean perfect, grandmother.  I was lucky to have her.

So that's my perspective-check.  I've got it pretty damn good, folks.  When I think of all the things I DO have, it makes it much easier to forget about the things I "don't" have (those new J.Crew patent pumps, the yellow sweater from Anthropologie, etc.).  They just seem incredibly unimportant.  

What gives you perspective? 

Rebooted

I have my computer back!  

That's right, my dear little dud of a MacBook decided to join the illustrious legion of computers that crash 2 weeks before final exams.  How nice of it.

Alas, the good folks at the Mac store (thank you Will!!!!) brought my little machine back to life, complete with a new hard drive, keyboard, casing, and operating system.  It's virtually new without being new.  It's like if your best friend had massive plastic surgery:  you know it's the same person, but it looks 100% different.  

So I'm back, but I won't be around much.  Finals time is upon us, and I have to cram 3 months of Federal income tax laws into my brain so I can regurgitate them in a 3 hour span.  Fun times!

Oh Joy, A Meme!

But seriously, you know I love this stuff.  :)  It's insta-blog fodder!  Thanks, Kendall!

1. Were you named after anyone?  Unfortunately not.  My name was going to be Philip, but I turned out to be a girl (oops!).  Then it was Julia, but my mom couldn't think of a middle name, so I became Kathryn Marie.  I hated it as a child, but love it now.  Plain but classy, like me.

2. Do you still have your tonsils?  Nope.  I don't remember anything about it, just that I don't have to clean them out with a bobby pin like my mom (insert ewwww here).

3. Would you bungee jump?  Hmm.  Something about this really bothers me.  It's not the falling, it's the snapping back up part.  But I really, really, REALLY want to skydive!

4. What is your favorite cereal? I have to pick just one?  Cereal is my fall-back meal when I'm too tired to cook.  Warm oatmeal made with milk, cinnamon, and raisins is pretty hard to beat!

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?  Never.  The only shoes I even own with laces are my pink Roos.

6. What is your favorite ice cream?  Toss up between cinnamon and peppermint.

7. What is the first thing you notice about people?  Usually the way they speak.  Are they sweet, rude, arrogant, bubbly, etc.  Second?  Shoes.  I'm always staring at the shoes.

8. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?  Loaded question!  Physically, my nose.  Otherwise, my moodiness.  My Scorpio catches up with me a lot.  I should probably work on my self-esteem, too, but I've been doing that for almost 26 years now to no avail.

9. What was the last thing you ate?  Fruity Cheerios (delicious!) & a spoonful of peanut butter.  :)

10.  What are you listening too right now? A little mix of Etta James, Lauryn Hill, Nina Simone, & Joss Stone.  Retro-soul.

11. Last movie you watched?  Love in the Time of Cholera.  I know, never watch the movie version of a book, but I just had to see how it was done.  Cinematography & music were beautiful, screenplay adaption was AWFUL.  But Javier Bardem made it well worth the $4.99 rental fee!  Every time he would talk about his broken heart, I would tell him (and my empty apartment) "It's ok, Javi, I'll comfort you..."  

12. What did you dream about last night?  That is for me to know!  Some things are best kept to oneself. :)   It's finals time, so I'm sure my recurring nightmare will start weaseling back into my life--you  know, the classic "I totally forgot about the exam until the day of" madness. 

13. What book are you reading? Another unfair question.  Currently, I am boring my way through "Immigration and Citizenship:  Process and Policy."  Sexy.

14. Summer or winter?  Summer weather, but winter food.  Don't get me wrong, summer has all the fresh veggies and fruits on it's side, but nothing is cozier than winter soups, braises, and pies.  But yet I can't function if the temperature is under 70 degrees.  Conundrum...

15. Do you have any special talents?  Absolutely not.  

Alright, your turn!  I tag Lauren & Heather, because they might actually do it.  :)  

Oh Shit.

When I told my dear Mama that I was cutting my hair, she cautioned, "Just keep it long enough to wear in a ponytail!"

So when I went to my hair appointment tonight, what's the one thing I forgot to say???

Thaaa's right.  I've got SHORT hair.  

I kind of like it.  :) 

The Great Divide

For the first time today, I had the experience of going to vote with both of my parents.  

In 2000, I was robbed of my chance to vote by the pesky fact that my birthday was mere days after the election.   In 2004, I voted absentee from my college dorm room.  This year, 2008, I stood between my parents as I showed my license and signed my name.  

What struck me more than seeing our names all in a row on the registration sheet was how much I have diverged from my parent's ideologies.  I'm no longer the little girl who hangs on every word said by her Mommy and I no longer like sports teams just because my Dad does (the Lions?  Seriously, Dad???).  As my parents began to grow more conservative with age, my sister and I have become increasingly liberal (S. once called me a "little Commie," and I had to politely reprimand him:  "No dear, I'm socialist.").  

 

However, I know that I hold my liberal views because of the values my parents impressed on me as a child.  If I only could remember the number of times my mom said, "Kate, you are no better than anyone else and no one is better than you."  I can remember my dad digging for dollars and change for the homeless as my sister and I tried to blaze on by.  Family vacations always had to be some form of compromise between a beach for mom and a battlefield/historical site for dad--so we could have fun but also never forget the sacrifices of others.  My whole life, I've been taught how incredibly blessed I am, and because of those gifts, I have a duty to give back to my community.  That those with more have an obligation to help those with less.  That everyone, EVERYONE, deserves a fair shot in life.  Just because you're born with more doesn't mean you deserve more, or that someone born with less doesn't deserve more.  And most importantly, sometimes you have to make personal sacrifice to ensure fairness & justice.

Sound like some rhetoric we've heard lately?  Read this.

So thank you, Mom & Dad, for making me who I am today, even if we don't always agree on politics.  In some ways, the apple still hasn't fallen far from the tree.  It just feel further to the left. 

I should know better...

Things that I am too old to do anymore:

1.  Spend 45 minutes yanking items from my closet in search of THE PERFECT OUTFIT, only to go back to the very first thing I had on.  And where was I going, you ask?  That's right, to a small dinner party.  My priorities are stellar.

2. Run around town dropping off my dry cleaning/paying rent/buying new lip gloss, and forget to eat lunch.  Remember that I only ate 140 calories of breakfast in the form of turkey bacon.  Decide that it's ok to start drinking wine because I'll be eating a massive dinner soon.  Proceed to eat a miniscule amount of dinner because my tummy is too full of wine.  

3. Consume 1.5 bottles of wine, solo.  On the aforementioned empty stomach.  Ugh.

4. Call S. and tell him that he MUST talk to me as I walk the loooong walk home from my friends (ahem, 2 blocks in sober eyes) because there might be ghosts out.  Force S. to talk to me for the next 45 minutes as I shout, "But S., the bed is SPINNING.  IN CIRCLES.  AND LUCY-DOG IS SPINNING, TOO!"

5. Spend this morning drinking water, eating wheat Saltines, and swearing that I'm never drinking again.  Like, ever.  Nevahvnevah again.

6. Crack open another bottle of wine at 7 p.m. because it's impossible to stay home and study on a Saturday night without drinking wine.  That makes me less loser-ish.  Or a law student.  One of those.  Or both.  I think I'll mention that on my Bar application when they ask me why I am qualified to be an attorney.  "Well, your Honor, I can pronounce words like 'heretofore,' and 'in limine' even when I'm hammered.  Ask anyone!"

And to think, I turn 26 in a little over week.  I have matured so much since those glory days at Vanderbilt....  

Things I Love About Fall

Once upon a time, someone described to me how our bodies and minds correlate to the seasons.  In fall, we begin to slow down and take stock of our lives, thinking about our next direction.  During winter, we take cold, hard evaluation of who we are, where we are, and what we want.  Spring is a time for putting those winter plans in action, and in Summer, we blossom in our new found path.  Rinse & repeat.  It's a cycle we continue our whole lives.  

From the I first heard that theory, I've appreciated each season a little bit more.  I really try to think about how the season relates to my own life--Am I celebrating how wonderful my life is?  Do I need to look more closely at my choices?  Do I need to slow down and make some plans?    

In the spirit of fall, here are a few of my favorite things about the season, and how they encourage me to slow down, relax, and prepare for the hard decisions ahead:  

1. Waking up in the morning, knowing that it's chilly outside, but being warm and snuggled under my 3 quilts, with Lucy-dog right next to me.  I'm so grateful that I have a safe haven--my home.

2. Watching Lucy-dog hop through piles of leaves.  Her little 3-inch long legs make it impossible for her to walk, so she bunny-hops.  This is quite possibly the cutest thing ever.  I could have ended up with any pound-hound, but I am so, so, so lucky that Lucy choose me to be her mommy. My life would be much emptier without her cuddles and wiggly butt.

3. Hot coffee in the morning, warm spicy chai in the afternoon, and piping hot anise tea at night.  I will remember to be grateful for the little pleasures in life.  

4. FOOTBALL--Go Dores! Last weekend, I got to see a Vandy game with my Dad, and it was quite possible one of the best days of my life.  I don't get to spend a lot of alone time with my Dad anymore, and I relish each time we have daddy-daughter days.

5.  My favorite holidays:  Halloween, my birthday, Turkey day, and CHRISTMAS (Ok, so maybe Christmas is in the winter, but I get to decorate for it in the fall!).  My dad used to walk us all over our little town trick-or-treating, and my plastic pumpkin was always overflowing.  Mom let us eat as much candy as we could manage when we got home, i.e. a little kid's dream.  I love, love, LOVE (one more time) LOVE being with my family, and fall holidays mean my whole family is together.  I am so lucky that the women in my family taught me how to cook, and holidays are my favorite times to be crammed in the kitchen with my mom & sister, asking for help with the gravy or making pies.  I will always remember my grandmother at the stove, stirring creamed corn, and I'll never forget the way her blackberry pies tasted.  

6.  Boots!  I finally get to drag my lovely Frye's out of the back of my closet.  Nothing reminds me of my glory days in Nashville more than pulling on my Harness boots and clomping around town.  I still remember the day (my birthday, actually) that my mom & dad bought them for me. 

So there you have it--Kate's preparation for the winter, little reminders of what makes me happy at this time of the year.  Just a little reflection on an underrated season.  I encourage you to use the falling leaves as a reminder to evaluate & remember the simple things that make you smile.  

Self-Soothing

Well, I knew it was coming:  my first breakdown of the semester.  A little early this semester, but, all things considered, I think I'm entitled to a little premature freak-out.  

On Sunday, everything reached a culmination point.  My seminar paper is due in a week and I haven't started.  I have no idea what is going on in my tax law class, and 0% motivation to study the Federal income tax code.  Things with S. are up-down-up-down-fake up-bottomless pit down, etc.  My friends all seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, as we're all under equal pressure this semester.  My hair looks like a version of Jenny Garth's stringy, rooty, mess circa 90210 (it's really hard to feel pretty with air-band hair).  In short, I was down about EVERYTHING. 

My mom has a favorite thing to say to me when I'm wallowing:  "Either live with it or do something about it."  So today, I engaged in a little self-therapy.  I made a list of everything that was contributing to my near-panic attack, and then made a second list of what I could do about those things.  I came to 2 conclusions:  they were all either things that I absolutely can't control--e.g. S's behavior--or things that I can take care of with a little hard work and preparation--work on paper NOW instead of writing this blog post.  I realize that sounds dangerously close to the AA serenity prayer (I know aaaalllll about this little ditty from several clients) but there is something incredibly calming about letting go of things that I can't change...and taking on the ones I can.  I know I can (and must) rock this paper, I will study my (Reuben-esque) rear off over the holiday, and I will get through this last year of law school.  I will.  

Those two little realizations have done a lot for my mental health.  Not to mention the two giant coolers of groceries and goodies my parents sent home with me.  Even thought I'm almost 26, still in school and brokedy-broke-broke, my parents still don't want me to starve.  In fact, they certainly don't want me to lose those last 5 Chilean pastry pounds, as evidenced by the amount of carbs I put up in my cabinet and fridge.   Mmm rice and pasta and homemade apple butter and peach rings!!!

And my #1 pick me up:  My mom bought me this.  I don't care if it's gross, I've wanted one ever since I saw the informercial at 3:30 a.m. a year ago during an intense bout of insomnia.  God bless TV marketing!  

So here's to the light at the end of the tunnel, better days, and letting go.  I'm so lucky to have a family who picks me up when I'm down and makes sure I have a full pantry.  And by this weekend, with a little luck and lots of work, I'll have a rough draft.  I might even take control of my hair & make an appointment.  

Middle of the Night Freak Outs

I've had raging insomnia for a handful of years now.  It started during my senior year in college and steadily escalated to the point that I actually got an Rx for chemical sleep assistance.  Keep in mind, I abhor taking little magic pills to cure what ails me.  The last time I actually sang myself a chemical lullaby was on the 10 hour flight to Santiago.  

My usual M.O. for falling asleep involves me shifting into various positions, convinced that I will fall asleep as soon as I find that perfect "spot."  This annoys my dog to no end, to the point that she frequently jumps of my bed and sleepily stumbles to the couch.  I swear she mutters, "screw that crazy lady, messin' with my beauty sleep" under her breath.  

Lately, I have been tossing and turning more than usual, and even after I finally fall asleep, I wake up in cold sweats, freaked out of my mind about some to-do or the other.  Last night was an extreme example.  Lucy-dog had long since packed up for the couch by the time I feel asleep, sometime after 2:30 a.m.  I proceeded to wake up almost every hour with a new paranoia.  

At 3:30, I couldn't remember my grandmother's voice.  I willed myself to stop crying and concentrate.  I eventually could remember the way she said, "Well I'll be!" and that calmed me enough to doze off again.  

At 4:30, I realized my seminar paper is due in 2 weeks.  I almost hopped out of bed to start reading journal articles, but I somehow fell asleep before I actually put a foot on the floor.  

At 5:30, why hadn't S. called me last night?  Or had he?  I couldn't remember?  I talked myself out of calling him in the wee hours of the morning, but made a mental note to check my phone in the morning to see if he had called (he had, twice). 

At 7:00, Lucy had to potty.  As in, HAD TO GO RIGHT NOW.  I stumbled outside in THE purple sweatpants, a black t-shirt with no bra, and a pair of grandma's old fuzzy socks...only to find that it was pouring down rain.  Being a bad mother, I let go of Lucy's leash and let her wander into the ivy-covered front yard to figure it out on her own.  My logic was that she would come back because she's terrified of rain.  Check one for Kate!  Back in my bed, I replayed that irresponsible action over and over and freaked out over my fear of Lucy running away.  Mental note to never do that again.  

At 8:15, my morning wake-up call from S.  He sounds too perky.  I went back to sleep

At 8:45, did S. call?  Shit, I have to write a paper today.  I have to pack for mom and dad's.  Have I called my dad lately?  Did my sister really say he's voting for Obama?  Too much.  Back to sleep.  

9:45.  SHIT.  Overslept almost 2 hours.  Laid awake thinking for a few minutes and finally remembered grandma's voice.  Her laugh.  

Welcome to a night in the life of K.  Fun, yes?  I'm laughing too.  But seriously, these midnight freak-outs are an indication of ONE.VERY.BIG.THING:  Finals are coming.  Only 4 weeks.  Paper due in 2.  

The night sweats have commenced.  I won't sleep well for the next month.  

It's crunch time.  

Learning to live with it.

During a discussion over ex-boyfriends, my 19 year-old friend A. told me something that is still haunting me.  A. and her long-time high school boyfriend broke up over a year ago, but she still affectionately mentions her ex every now & again.  She told me that she was certain they would never be together again (in fact, she is dating a great new guy).  But she also made this profound statement:  "The hardest part is realizing that I'm always going to be in love with him, and I have to live with that." 

How amazingly accurate. 

I don't really want to dig into the deeper details of my personal life to the entire web community, but it's sufficient to say that I've got to learn to live with my feelings for S.  Even if we can't be together, a piece of me will always fiercely love him.  I know it can't go back to the way it was, but damn!  how I wish it could.  I wish we could have our weekly late Sunday morning breakfasts, where we take our greasy heads out to eat eat greasy-spoon food.  I wish we could be that couple holding hands (PDA!  My only exception) as we browse boutique-y shops & share coffee.  I want to go back to our routine of calling each other morning, noon, and night.  I want him to hold me.  I want to hold him.  I want it back the way it was.

But we can't.  Instead, I've got to live with it.

Song Lyric Survey (Stolen from Lauren!)

Normal questions, harder answers.  Only answer in song lyrics.

Current relationship status:  "I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive." (Third Eye Blind, Motorcycle Driveby)

Your first love:  "Had to find some higher ground, had some fear to get around.  You can't say what you don't know, later on won't work no more."  (Tom Petty, Square One) 

Do you believe in love at first sight? "I don't know if I can do that."  (Luke Bryan, I Don't Know If I Can Do That)

Your most recent ex:  "I keep letting you back in, how can I explain myself.  As painful as this thing has been, I just can be with no one else.  See I know what we've got to do, you let go, and I'll let go too."  (Ex Factor, Lauryn Hill)

Your best friend:  "And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call, you meant more to me than anyone I've ever loved at all.  But you taught me how to trust myself, and so I say to you, this is what I have to do."  (Missy Higgins, Where I Stood)

Sex:  "You keep me in a daydream, keep me going strong."  (Superstitious, Stevie Wonder) 

Marriage:  "I don't care for your fairytales.  You're so worried 'bout the maiden though you know she's only waiting on the next best thing."  (Fairytale, Sara Barellies)

Life:  "If you think time will change your ways, don't wait too long."  (Madeleine Peyroux, Don't Wait Too Long)

Death:  "When someone said count your blessings now, I guess I just didn't know how...I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again...and I won't forget you."  (Pink, Who Knew)

Your regrets:  "Now I've made some mistakes, I've lost some friends a long the way.  But I don't carry it because it's made me a better chick...I may not be what I'm supposed to, but I can tell you right now I ain't what I used to be."  (Mary J. Blige, Reflections)

High School:  "She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows, sign her letters with X's and O's."  (She's An American Girl, Trisha Yearwood) 

Your worst enemy:  "There are people in your life who have come and gone, they let you down and they hurt your pride.  You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on.  You keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up inside."  (Don Henley, Heart of the Matter)

Authority:  "I opened my mouth and I heard myself, it can get pretty lonely when you show yourself, guess I could have made it easier on myself but I, I could never follow."  (Dixie Chicks, Long Way Around)

Politics:  Listen to all of Ray Lemontagne's "How Come."  But in particular:  "And justice can be a thief, and freedom can be an empty cup from which everybody wanna drink." 

Your religious stand/views:  "I hope that everybody can find a little flame.  Me, I say my prayers and then light myself on fire, walk out on a wire once again...." (Counting Crows, Goodnight Elizabeth)

Monday:  "Just another manic Monday..."  (The Bangles, Manic Monday.  Cliche and unoriginal, but soooo true.  Plus, this one was one of my favorite songs as a child and I would put this tape on repeat!)

Tuesday:  "The first sight of morning is grey and alarming, It's so disappointing the day has come so soon."  (Brandi Carlile, Late Morning Lullaby).  I HATE Tuesdays.

Wednesday:  "I'm halfway there...living on a prayer" (yup, that's some old school Bon Jovi for you!)  Did I mention I'm not a fan of the mid-week?  This is getting painfully unoriginal...

Thursday: "But what you've done here is put yourself between a bullet and a target, and it won't be long before you're pulling yourself away..."  (Bullet and A Target, Citizen Cope)

Friday:  "Heads California, Tails Carolinas, somewhere greener, somewhere warmer."  (Heads California, JoDee Messina)  Damn, but Fridays just make me want to hop in Gretta-Jetta and head...anywhere.  

Saturday:  OBVIOUSLY--"Worked hard all week, got a little jingle on a Tennessee Saturday night."  (Alabama, Dixieland Delight)  

Sunday:  "Although though now, most of my days are spent alone."  (Amos Lee, Arms of a Woman).  Loneliest day of the week.

Coffee:  "If the way you drank your coffee was the way you looked at me, I could take both my hands of the TV."  (Lisa Loeb, Lisa Listen)

Tea:  "And I'm weeping for honey and milk..." (Warm Whispers, Missy Higgins)

Alcohol:  "Bottle of red, bottle of white, ever kind of mood you're in tonight."  (Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, Billy Joel)

Cigarettes:  "I said no, no, no."  (Rehab, Amy Winehouse)

Lunch meat:  Hmm....don't eat it. 

Food:  "Love love love love love, Looove love love!!!"  (Bottle It Up, Sarah Barellies).

Color:  "When you have awoken, from all the dreams broken, come and dance with me, dance with, into the colors..."  (Ben Harper, Into the Colors)

Anything you'd like to add:  "She is young and she still has her confidence, and it's not too  late to tie up those loose ends." (Loose Ends, Rosie Thomas) 

When Did Women Stop Having Waists?

A burning question has been etched in my mind lately:

When did clothing companies stop designing for REAL women's bodies???

I know, I'm deep like that.  But let me just start this little rant with the fact that I have spent almost $150 in the past 2 months having my clothes tailored.  That's $150 I no longer get to spend on groceries.  I sure hope Thanksgiving produces lots and lot of leftovers...

I am a very averaged sized girl--5'3 and a size 4.  My body is proportional, i.e. my bottom half matches my top half just fine.  I even got all techie and posted a picture so you can see for yourself.  However, I can't find one damn thing that fits!  I have been blessed/cursed with a "woman's shape," i.e. I have breasts and hips and a small waist LIKE A NORMAL WOMAN.  Apparently, this makes me ineligible for 90% of the clothing on today's racks.  

I recently bought the cutest little suit--black tweed with tiny hints of bright colors, fitted skirt with big buttons, and the most darling little swing jacket with 3/4 sleeves.  It screams "wear me to interviews at non-profits!!!"  I love it.  However, it was a large part of that $150 tailoring bill.  Some women would have just passed on the little suit, claiming it didn't fit (C. is like this--if it doesn't fit off the rack she won't buy it.  C. is also shaped like those girls on ANTM).  What bothers me is that the suit DID fit, minus the fact that the waist was as wide as the hemline.  I hope you're thinking, "WTF?" because I certainly did.  In fact, EVERY SINGLE SUIT I tried on had the same problem.  And it wasn't that I was looking at cheap suits.  We're talking lawyer-sized budget (with a little help from Mom) priced ensembles for my first year of big-girl work.  For the past few years, almost every pair of pants, skirts, or especially dresses I've tried on have been the same size from bust to hips--straight.  Now how many women are actually shaped like a deck of cards?!  I would love to know how much money I've spent in the past year alone getting pants/skirts/dresses nipped in at the waist (we won't even go into hemming...).

However, any time I try on a vintage dress or skirt, it almost always fits perfectly.  It's nipped at the waist but allows room for my bosom and hips.  Vintage dresses are generally well-proportioned for my shape.  I've always said that I was born 50 years too late, and maybe this is the proof in the pudding.  Have women's bodies changed shape over the decades?  Or are designers just getting lazy and selling the same stuff they slap on their models?  Why can't I find ONE DRESS that is fitted at the waist???

I can only draw 2 conclusions from my little rant:

1. I'm so glad my mom just bought a nice sewing machine so she can start doing the dirty work!

2. Clothing companies only want to design for the "tall-skinnies."  My shape is "out" and boy-like bodies are in.  For women. 

Not trying to enact systemic change in the fashion industry, just try to blow off some steam and find some good work attire.  I have always been proud of my curves, and I've never had complaints from the fellas.  I wish designers would take a survey of what real women are shaped like and design for the rest of us.  

Tagged by H.

Yup, it's a meme.  Whoo hoo!  No, seriously, thanks to H. for allowing me to share 7 random things you don't know about me:

1. I had a serious problem with compound words as a child.  My favorite color was "pinkhot" and my dog lived in a "housedog."  I was a hot mess.  My mom notified the learning disability teacher to prepare a seat for me in his class.  I have no idea how I outgrew this.

2. I frequently daydream about throwing my law degree out a window and opening a small bakery/pie/coffee shop.  Nothing too big, but just my own little enterprise.  I will never actually do this because I have a huge fear that it will flop & I will be in debt and out of work. 

3. My dog truly is my alter ego.  We have the same weird habits, we are stubborn, we love to be outside but hate humidity or temperatures over 90 degrees, we like the warm spot left on the bed after someone gets up (for her, it's when I get up; for me, I used to do this with S.).  Sometimes I am freaked out by how similar we are.  Could my "soul mate" (ick, boo) be a dog???  (Further evidence that I will never again have a date.) 

4. Among the random chores I LOATHE are:  filling the Brita pitcher, taking out the recyclables, organizing my Sherman-tank sized jewelry box, and yes, replacing the roll of toilet paper.  I will go to great & ridiculous lengths to avoid these tasks.   

5. Although I have given almost $80K to the University of Louisville, I feel zero allegiance to the school.  On the other hand, I will be so terribly disappointed if my hypothetical children don't want to go to Vanderbilt. 

6. I spent the past 25 years worrying that I wasn't good enough & everyone else was more worthy than me.  This is the first time in my life I have been comfortable with my body, hair, face, opinions, intellect, and who I am as a person...and I am single, unemployed, and in massive debt.  Hmm...

7. Once I love someone, I will love them forever.  Even people I have sworn I will never speak to again.

So there you go.  It's like my own version of Post Secret!  I am tagging Bagel, Lauren, Victoria, Jessica, and what the hell, Lucie, you can do this twice!  ;)

Dear Employer With Dental & Eye Insurance, Please Hire Me.

DISCLAIMER to potential employers: We all need a laugh, right? Please hire me despite this post. Please. PLEASE.

It's no secret that these are scary times to be looking for a job. Especially scary when you want to enter the law-meets-public-service field and a certain "Maverick" says that it's time to suspend and/or cut the public service sector. The job hunt is freaking me out. Therefore, in my best effort to sell myself, I've created the PERFECT cover letter:

Dear Non-firm, Kumbayah-loving, low-paying Public Service Employer,


If you do not provide eye or dental insurance, go ahead and stop reading. I'm going to need to get this cavity filled eventually, and I certainly can't fix it on the measly salary you listed on your website. And my special contact lenses that aren't special enough to fall under my current insurance plan are cutting into my budget for apartment decorating and shoes. So if you can't give me some good benefits, throw this one in the can now. But please take note of my tasteful and expensive resume paper first--I spent at least $40 and 40 minutes picking it out.

My name is painfully common, but let me show you how uncommon and non-WASPy I am. I mean, I am a middle-class white girl from the Midwest with ancestors from Western Europe and was raised in a protestant church, but I'm different, I swear! I took a few "cultural perspectives" classes in college so I know about diversity. Also, I can speak Spanish, so that means I can totally relate to the underprivileged, underpaid Latino immigrants who came to our country to find a better life but really just find discrimination and heartbreak and lower-than-minimum-wage jobs. But I'm blonde, so I also relate to their sense of discrimination. Those blonde jokes are rough!

My resume lists lots of skills and experiences which sound really, really good on paper but which didn't teach me all that much. My former job? Hogwash. I spent most of my time avoiding my control-freak boss and disciplining college students against my will. And that coveted research position? I mostly just check legal citations while watching episodes of "Forensic Files" or Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations." Granted, I've had some great summer legal positions, so please ask me a lot about those experiences so I can go off about our foster care system or how much better produce is in Chile.

Wait, what? You want to know about my grades? I'm not prepared to talk about my grades! Ok, here's the thing--first year was really, really rough. I just couldn't handle all the arrogance and self-importance and bitchiness...and yes, I'm talking about the professors. How am I supposed to care about res judica when the Prof is distracting me with her Soul Glo hair and nasty stares? Not to mention that I took my spring semester finals with a 48-hour migraine and walking pneumonia. But never fear, I've now figured out the system! I borrow prior students' outlines & archived past exams from the law school and memorize them in time for the exam. Now I'm doing just fine! See how much I've learned?

I have also spent considerable time researching the proper code of conduct for attorneys. I can consume mulitple glasses of wine during a business lunch and still assume an air of professionalism. I also have considerable practice drinking entire bottles of wine at home while I "work." Do not worry, I never ever drive after drinking, and I don't make a habit of participating in illegal activity (unless it involves jaywalking or parking tickets). But I am well-versed in judicial schmoozing and sucking up to those in positions of authority in general. I have perfected my "yes-ma'am-whatever-you-say" smile as I secretly scream profanities in my head. Additionally, I look good in a suit and can walk easily in 4-inch heels.

Above all, I am an excellent baker and frequently make cookies and pastries for my co-workers and office events. Even if I have no idea what I should be doing at my desk, I will guarntee that you will never go hungry!

If the above information didn't make you want to hire me, let me try one last tactic: PLEASE PLEASE give me a job because my student loan debt is astronomical. PLEASE.

I promise to be the best attorney you've ever had and only check my personal e-mail 10x a day at work. And no more Facebook (unless it's an emergency, of course).

Looove,
Katie, your soon-to-be-new-hire, as long as you have dental.