28 February 2008

Wild Horses

My sister once told me that the best word to describe herself was "priggish."  I've finally realized that my word would be "restless" (Um, yes, we are definitely different).  

I'm not talking about wandering-the-world-in-pursuit-of-truth restless.  I'm talking about unveiled daydreaming and what's to come.  I have a hard time being content with my current position at any given time, whatever that may be.  I am always wondering about where I'll go next, what I'll do next, what I should be doing to get there, who I'll go with, and if that is really the best option for me.  Rarely do I stop and mediate on the present moment and enjoy it for what it's worth.  But while reaching for the next-best-thing, I tend to leave a wake of destruction in the form of wasted money, half-finished projects, confusing goals, and the worst, hurt feelings of people I care about.  And in the end, I end up traveling in circles.

Lately, I've notice several things (and people) leading me toward a more patient point-of-view:

My friend Lucie's obsession with Yoga.  
From the handful of times I've been to yoga class, I know that a central tenant is to be aware of the present moment and to accept that moment for what it is.  This could come in handy when I'm sitting in class daydreaming about being elsewhere.  I can't be elsewhere, I must be in class, so I will maximize that time by face-stalking/e-mailing/reading my friends' blogs (I know, I know!  My attention span only last for 40 minutes).  I should celebrate law school for what it is:  a less-fun version of undergrad (ok, much less) but with many of the same perks (open schedule, student discounts, and sleeping in on Friday mornings).  Few people, including myself, characterize law school as fun, but it is an amazing opportunity to soak in new information and learn.

 My mom's obsession with Ekhart Tolle's A New Earth and all things Oprah.
Many of my mother's theories border on hokey new ageism...with a side of Ralph Lauren (just like Oprah!).  But this one really struck me:  Tolle's theory is that if we're always looking toward the future, we never actually enjoy our lives because we can't be happy in the present.  Makes perfect sense, right?  And yet, I've been living my life for all those things that I don't know about in the future instead of enjoying the fact that I am a young woman with few responsibilities and several good things going for me.  As I write, the sun in shining outside and my weekend has started.  That's a good enough reason as any to celebrate!

Finding my eggs.
Thanks to my friend Michael, who pointed out the theory of "finding your eggs" from the movie The Runaway Bride.  Remember how Julia Robert's character doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes because she just eats whatever her current beaux is eating?  She had to find her eggs in order to solve that little runaway problem.  And so do I.  Now I happen to know that I prefer my eggs gently scrambled with whole milk, topped with cheese and salsa.  But there are several things I don't know about myself, and now is as good a time as any to find out.  Day by day, I'm going to do my research.  (I think I'll start with the epic yoga v. pilates debate.)

The best years of my grandmother's life.
My grandmother (who will be 93 in June!) has always told me that the best years of her life were her 20's and 30's before she got married.  When I was young, this always sounded a little crazy to me.  I always thought that the best years of my life would happen when I got married, bought a house, had 2.2 and a white picket fence.  But now I think I knew what she meant.    Why long for the fence when you got wide open spaces right in front of you?  

I don't ever want to walk a straight line in life.  But I do want to wander a road that has kinks, quirks, dips, and even a few mud puddles. I no longer want to be restless, but I don't want to be at rest either.  I want to skip down the road, dog at my side, smiling at the sunshine, loving life simply because I get to be part of it.  

I'll start by doing that today.

(cue "Wild Horses" as Lulu and I trot down Hepburn Avenue....)

1 comment:

LucieLu said...

Man you made me laugh out loud with this one.

My thouhgts on yoga v. pilates: I think when you find that balance you want you will realize both are good and we need each one at different times. After all, yoga is the baby mama's mama of pilates, so they have that in common.

Now I just have to get my obsession with fancy sneakers and Harry Potter to rub off on you.