27 October 2008


Well, I knew it was coming:  my first breakdown of the semester.  A little early this semester, but, all things considered, I think I'm entitled to a little premature freak-out.  

On Sunday, everything reached a culmination point.  My seminar paper is due in a week and I haven't started.  I have no idea what is going on in my tax law class, and 0% motivation to study the Federal income tax code.  Things with S. are up-down-up-down-fake up-bottomless pit down, etc.  My friends all seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, as we're all under equal pressure this semester.  My hair looks like a version of Jenny Garth's stringy, rooty, mess circa 90210 (it's really hard to feel pretty with air-band hair).  In short, I was down about EVERYTHING. 

My mom has a favorite thing to say to me when I'm wallowing:  "Either live with it or do something about it."  So today, I engaged in a little self-therapy.  I made a list of everything that was contributing to my near-panic attack, and then made a second list of what I could do about those things.  I came to 2 conclusions:  they were all either things that I absolutely can't control--e.g. S's behavior--or things that I can take care of with a little hard work and preparation--work on paper NOW instead of writing this blog post.  I realize that sounds dangerously close to the AA serenity prayer (I know aaaalllll about this little ditty from several clients) but there is something incredibly calming about letting go of things that I can't change...and taking on the ones I can.  I know I can (and must) rock this paper, I will study my (Reuben-esque) rear off over the holiday, and I will get through this last year of law school.  I will.  

Those two little realizations have done a lot for my mental health.  Not to mention the two giant coolers of groceries and goodies my parents sent home with me.  Even thought I'm almost 26, still in school and brokedy-broke-broke, my parents still don't want me to starve.  In fact, they certainly don't want me to lose those last 5 Chilean pastry pounds, as evidenced by the amount of carbs I put up in my cabinet and fridge.   Mmm rice and pasta and homemade apple butter and peach rings!!!

And my #1 pick me up:  My mom bought me this.  I don't care if it's gross, I've wanted one ever since I saw the informercial at 3:30 a.m. a year ago during an intense bout of insomnia.  God bless TV marketing!  

So here's to the light at the end of the tunnel, better days, and letting go.  I'm so lucky to have a family who picks me up when I'm down and makes sure I have a full pantry.  And by this weekend, with a little luck and lots of work, I'll have a rough draft.  I might even take control of my hair & make an appointment.  


legaleagle2009 said...

Haha! Let me know how the ped egg works out...I want one too...in fact, I knew right away what it was, before I clicked on the link!

Good luck with your paper!!

Mandy said...

There is so much freedom in letting go. I love the serenity prayer(I learned it from a nun, not AA..lol) and actually have a piece of jewelry with the prayer engraved on it.

Good luck on your paper and enjoy your homemade apple butter!

Redhoon said...

Moments of clarity are always a good thing, even if it takes hitting a crappy bottom to see the light (as it were). Your post helped give me a little perspective--I had kind of a rocky day, but for no real reason. So, thank you!

And, I love my ped egg (impulse buy at Bed, Bath, & Beyond!)! My only suggestion is to do it over the tub, or on a towel--gravity still wins and the egg doesn't catch all of the skin sometimes. Hope that wasn't gross, but I know you'll enjoy the self-pampering!!! Hang in there! You can do it!!!

The Odd Duck said...

Good luck on the paper and studying. I hope things with S settle down and that you and your friends make it out the midterm period relatively unscathed.

I think I need to make one of those lists. Probably going to need it come time for finals.

I think we all forget that sometimes. That despite how impossible it seems at the time, we will always make it through.

- Kendall

P. S. I have an award on my blog for you. http://theoddduckling.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-haz-award.html

claire said...

1. I SO want a pedegg! 2. I will be contributing to that hair on Saturday! 3. I love you. ::hugs::

Christopher said...

Did I not proselytize to you about the PedEgg before? I think it is the greatest invention of the year, the total cure to flip-flop heel!

Love you.