Self-Soothing

Well, I knew it was coming:  my first breakdown of the semester.  A little early this semester, but, all things considered, I think I'm entitled to a little premature freak-out.  

On Sunday, everything reached a culmination point.  My seminar paper is due in a week and I haven't started.  I have no idea what is going on in my tax law class, and 0% motivation to study the Federal income tax code.  Things with S. are up-down-up-down-fake up-bottomless pit down, etc.  My friends all seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, as we're all under equal pressure this semester.  My hair looks like a version of Jenny Garth's stringy, rooty, mess circa 90210 (it's really hard to feel pretty with air-band hair).  In short, I was down about EVERYTHING. 

My mom has a favorite thing to say to me when I'm wallowing:  "Either live with it or do something about it."  So today, I engaged in a little self-therapy.  I made a list of everything that was contributing to my near-panic attack, and then made a second list of what I could do about those things.  I came to 2 conclusions:  they were all either things that I absolutely can't control--e.g. S's behavior--or things that I can take care of with a little hard work and preparation--work on paper NOW instead of writing this blog post.  I realize that sounds dangerously close to the AA serenity prayer (I know aaaalllll about this little ditty from several clients) but there is something incredibly calming about letting go of things that I can't change...and taking on the ones I can.  I know I can (and must) rock this paper, I will study my (Reuben-esque) rear off over the holiday, and I will get through this last year of law school.  I will.  

Those two little realizations have done a lot for my mental health.  Not to mention the two giant coolers of groceries and goodies my parents sent home with me.  Even thought I'm almost 26, still in school and brokedy-broke-broke, my parents still don't want me to starve.  In fact, they certainly don't want me to lose those last 5 Chilean pastry pounds, as evidenced by the amount of carbs I put up in my cabinet and fridge.   Mmm rice and pasta and homemade apple butter and peach rings!!!

And my #1 pick me up:  My mom bought me this.  I don't care if it's gross, I've wanted one ever since I saw the informercial at 3:30 a.m. a year ago during an intense bout of insomnia.  God bless TV marketing!  

So here's to the light at the end of the tunnel, better days, and letting go.  I'm so lucky to have a family who picks me up when I'm down and makes sure I have a full pantry.  And by this weekend, with a little luck and lots of work, I'll have a rough draft.  I might even take control of my hair & make an appointment.