This is Your Brain...On FINALS.

During final exams, several odd things start happening.  They show up in my conversations with friends, my daily routine, and the things that wake me up in the middle of the night.  

A few examples:

1. This morning, brushing my teeth, I suddenly thought, "Barncki v. Vopper."  There was no context, no meaning, the case name just popped in my head mid-floss.  Note:  my Con Law exam is over, but the cases are still rolling around in my mind.

2. Two nights ago, I woke up at 3:30 in a cold sweat, freaking out about the difference between spoke-and-wheel and chain conspiracy.

3.  While washing my high school quilt today (the squares are made of my old high school t-shirts), I found myself thinking about how our 1st Amendment rights "do not end at the schoolhouse door," and how much I wish I had known that back in 2000.  LAME, Katie.  

4. My wrist has completely flared up again, rendering any use of my right hand pretty much impossible.  I have dropped about 8000 things, either because my fingers go numb or a stabbing pain shoots up my arm.  Now I get to run around town in a very non-chic brace thingy, looking like a total pretentious tool.  

5. On another medical note, I'm pretty convinced my eyesight has rapidly plummeted due to my frantic squinting at my computer screen during exams.

6. I have not done one single thing to prepare for my trip to Chile, even though I am leaving in exactly 4 weeks!

7. I have resorted to a diet of:  Wendy's french fries, sour patch kids, apples or ricecakes with peanut butter, diet coke, and COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE.  

If finals won't mess a girl up, I don't know what will!

Too Much Too Late?

Can you go through a delayed break-up? 

After The Breakup (with definitely warrants capital letters), I never really went through the deep and painful grieving phase.  I fully expected to spend weeks eating chocolate cake and ice cream and putting on eye cream to cover up my puffy eyes.  It just never happened.  And it wasn't because I was deluded enough to think that it wasn't really over.  I knew it was The End.  But I just couldn't do the breakup drama.  Sure, I cried on the entire 10 hour drive home from his place.  But after a week, I really and truly doing A-Ok.  Four years of drama, and it took me one week to get over it. 

Maybe that's why, five months later, I'm finally hurting.  

No, I have not spent the past 5 months thinking that we'll reconcile.  But now, after those 5 interminable months, we have finally settled into a upbeat and positive friendship.  Which is wonderful and nice and safe.  But it also hurts.  We can no longer makes those little jokes, those little inside moments, that filled our relationship.  The entire tone of our relationship has changed.  No more flirtations, no more sharing memories of the times when we were happy.  Just chit-chatter about our lives--which are now going in different directions.  

Don't get me wrong--I'd rather have the REB as a friend than to not have him in my life at all.  He's still my best friend, even with no relationship attached.  But that doesn't mean I'm not sad about the loss.  It's the end of our era.

So I'm taking a break from moving on...to pause and grieve.  It's about time.

Melancholy

I've been kind of down lately, and I can't quite pin down the issue.  

Blaming finals is the natural choice.  Nothing will make you feel worse about yourself than taking 2 exams within 48 hours,  neither of which you finish before time is called.  Seven hours of continual typing and intellectual degradation is bound to make my 2nd story window look like a good option.

But I don't think that's my problem.

Lately (as documented in previous posts), I've been trying to let go of what I can't control and just roll with the punches.  And most of the time, I like it that way.  But some days...I just wish I could control the situation.  I wish I could have all the answers.  The fact that I don't--and I can't--is getting me down today.  

So today I'll embrace the melancholy, and tomorrow I'll try to get back to being bubbly.  In the wise words of Ms. O'Hara, "tomorrow is another day."

Little Girl Dreams

Like every white, middle class blue-eyed blonde, I spent my childhood daydreaming about my future in terms of 2.2. and the white fence.  I logged countless hours agonizing over my future husband (Mr. Perfect, of course), our house (big but not too big, and a garage), our dogs (2 bassets, of course), our kids (two rowdy boys)...our everything.  All I could think about was my life in the future, and that future only came with a man and a family.  I defined myself around that dream.  It was the only way I could envision myself in the oh-so-scary future. 

This pattern of dreaming persisted well into my teenage years...and dare I say, into my early twenties.  With each new boyfriend, I would tell myself that he was "the one" and I would start picking out paint colors for the master bedroom before we even dropped the L-bomb.  Eventually, each relationship fell apart, and my WASPy dream would get recycled onto a new Mr. Perfect.  Until, one day, there was no Mr. Perfect.  My life was man-free.  No one to dream of a future with, no one to plan around, no one to consult about paint colors. 

And then the most amazing thing happened:  I was happy.  I stopped daydreaming about a future I couldn't control, and I found a present I could embrace.  

In all those years--from four to twenty-four--that I spent planning my life around "the plan," I forgot to ask myself if there might be something more fulfilling than living my life around a hopped-up, hyped-up, tired old dream.  What would happen if I only factored the one person I knew I could rely on, ME, into my future???  And then, the truly scary realization came:  Why do I keep living for "one day" when I could be living this day.

Tonight, I grabbed a fast dinner at a not-so-upscale place , and I saw an attractive forty-something woman eating alone.  (Two important notes:  1) I eat dinner out by myself occasionally and I manage not to feel pathetic or lonely, but I'm not crazy about it, 2) She had salad, I had fries.)  But this woman had a smile on her face.  She wasn't cowering her shoulders, hoping no one would witness her single dinner.  She wasn't pretentiously reading a book to make herself look studiously alone.  She didn't even touch her cellphone.  She sat and enjoyed dinner, quite happily, by herself. 

Five years ago, I would have pitied that woman.  I would have sent her a mental hug and hoped that she found someone soon.  Tonight, I completely surprised myself.  My first thought upon witnessing Ms. Single's dinner, was "I hope I'm that happy eating dinner alone at 40."  It's hard not to be jealous of someone who can make a Wednesday night dinner at a fast food joint a happy occasion. 

Throughout all those little-girl daydreams, I never considered the possibility that I could make myself happy.  I never had faith in my own abilities, and I never slowed down to consider if there were other things than marriage and a family that could make me smile and be proud.  But once I realized that there's a great big planet out there, and that I get airline miles with my credit card, there's nothing more I want than to fly around a experience it all.  I want to have a career that means something more than a paycheck, I want to travel, I want to read a thousand different books and then some, and I want to spend every possible second laughing.  And there is no reason to put off those things until "the future," when I could be doing them now.

Maybe someday I will end up with a Mr. Perfect and children and maybe even a garage.  But if I don't, I know I'll be just fine.  Better than fine.  I know that I will be happy, because I've promised myself that, from now on, I'm living my life for me, pushing my own boundaries, and I'm not wasting any more time waiting for someone else to come along and make me happy.  I've figured out how to do that all by myself, and I feels pretty damn good.      

You can't always get what you want...

...but sometimes you might just get what you need.  (Thanks to Mick Jagger for giving me the title for this post)

It's finals time, so naturally I'm in a constant state of panic, stress, hunger, more stress, hyperventilation, trying not to cry, and sheer panic.  Of course, law school rules mandate that you never, ever, admit these feelings.  It would mean that you're not as naturally brilliant and successful as the other 140 people in your class.  So I turned to a non-law school friend to confide in, who also happens to be the only person who understands my pre-finals induced psychosis.  I called the REB.

And on Friday, a very sweet little package arrived, overnight, from Amazon.com.  Although it may seem like a cruel trick to send a girl her favorite DVD during finals, he's the only one who knew it was just what I needed to get me through it.  Even though he wasn't always able to give me what I wanted in a relationship, he definitely knows how to be there as a friend when I need it. And that's more than good enough for me.

A day in the life...

Inevitably, we will all make bad decisions in life.  My most recent bad decision was taking a class called "Secured Transactions" this semester.  Don't even ask me what that means because I still don't know.  Needless to say, it's like listening to a banker with a bad lisp explain linear algebra in Mandarin.  

It goes without saying that studying for the Secured exam is a challenge.  Either my ADD is in overdrive or my subconscious is reminding me that I am not cut out for this type of material.  At any rate, I'm finding it impossible to concentrate on the material.  So far, my day has gone as such:

1. Wake up at 5:30 a.m. during earthquake; have visions of dying alone.

2. Finally get back to sleep at 7 a.m. after cleaning up Lucy's "I'm so scared" potty.

3. Get out of bed at 8 a.m., attempt to make myself semi-presentable...and give up on that after several attempts to comb my cowlick only results in a unicorn horn.

4. Head to Panera with good intentions of learning all about something called Priority, which is actually a veiled excuse for getting a cinnamon bagel.

5. Read exactly 5 pages of the ABC's of the UCC:  Article 9, talk to my recently-engaged-friend on the phone, share earthquake stories with my L'ville friends, and get 4 coffee refills in the 2 hours I spend at Panera.  

6. Head home, make and eat lunch, and switch to Con Law.  Amazingly, I've read the entire Equal Protection Clause section of my outline in the 30 minutes I've been reading it. 

Moral of the story:  I have an aversion to any type of law that involves money.  Remind me not to make this mistake again.  

Soul Mate v. No Mate

I have never been one to believe in soul mates.   I just don't buy the concept that destiny propels us toward "the one" and only person who is right for our choice of life mate.  I don't think there is just one person, "my other half," who can bring me a lifetime of happiness.  In short, I don't believe that someone else can "complete" you.  That's right, folks, I'm calling Jerry Maguire a liar. 

But two things have caused me to re-evaluate my view of THE SOUL MATE.

First, one of my very closest friends got engaged!  I could not be happier for her, mostly because she is fabulous, her fiance is fabulous, and I know she's not the type to be bridezilla so we can still stay friends throughout the wedding planning hoo-ha.  Truly, I'm thrilled for her.  Is her fiance her soul mate?  I don't know her view on that.  But I do know that he makes her happy, and that's good enough for me. :)

Secondly, I've been watching WAY too much Sex & the City.  I can't explain it, but it's a major player in my finals-studying routine. (I've always been a master at tuning out background noice, and I even think the act of tuning-out noise helps me concentrate better.)   Perhaps I've seen all the episodes so much that it's easy for me to tune them out.  At any rate, it helps me study.  I turn on Carrie & the girls, and get down to work.  Recently, I've been watching the 3rd season, when Carrie cheats on Aidan with Mr. Big.  Mostly, I can't stop thinking about how Carrie had the "perfect" man for her, and yet she couldn't shake Mr. Big. 

Now y'all know that I have my own version of Mr. Big--a guy who hasn't always been there for me, but dammit, I just can't shake him.  So does that make him my soul mate???

My answer is still no.  I still don't believe that there is just one guy out there for me.  If I had the chance to travel the whole world over, I might easily find 20 guys who are "the one."  I think that there are certain things we fall for--certain looks, smiles, philosophies, goals, sense of humor--that attract us to particular types of people.  If we're lucky, we make a connection with someone that is so intense, we can't describe it.  We get high on the bond we form with someone who is so much like us, yet still kind of a mystery.  Sometimes, the bond is so powerful that we dare to call it LOVE.  And if we just can't shake our connection to that person, we call it a soul mate.

The fact that I can't shake my personal Mr. Big doesn't make him my soul mate.  It means that I have yet to meet someone that I have that kind of bond with.  Or maybe it means that no one else will put up with me.  Or maybe I don't want to make another bond.  But it does not, in any way, mean he completes me.  If I never need a man to complete me, just put me out of my misery and remove me from the gene pool.  On my own, sans man, I am perfectly whole.  As a single woman, I'm happier than I've ever been.  

Perhaps I am my own soul mate.  I only need me in order to complete myself.  And my Mr. Big? Well, no one ever said extras were a bad thing.

 

Rebel With a Cause

I would never, ever, use the term "rebel" to describe myself.  For my entire 25 years, I've followed the general rules in life:  I didn't drink in high school, I went to a good college and studied hard, and I've never even had a speeding ticket.  

Not to say that my life has been boring.  I've had my share of wild nights (oh tequilla!) and adventuresome moments (bridge jumping at 2 a.m., singing at The Stage, and etc.).  I'm happy with the way I've lived my life.  In many ways, I haven't followed the traditional rules:  I'm 25, I'm not married and have zero prospects of being married, I don't have kids, I don't have a career.  I'm just saying that I don't make a habit of being a rule breaker.

I've been thinking a lot about why this is.  And I've filtered it down to two main reasons:  1) I don't like getting in trouble, whether it's with a friend or with an authority figure, and 2) my biggest fear is that I'll disappoint my parents and family.  

While that doesn't sound like a lot, realizing this has been very liberating for me.  

I certainly don't plan on breaking the law (I am going to be an attorney soon), but I'm also realizing that some authority figures are not worth bowing down to.  For example, one of my major regrets in life is that I never stood up to a former boss of mine.  For obvious reasons (this is the world wide web...of gossip and backstabbing), I don't want to go into details, but I do wish I had stood up for myself and what I thought was the right thing for our organization.  Note to self:  Next time, have a backbone.  Believe in yourself and your mission enough to stand up and defend your position. 

But I know I'll always want to please my parents and family.  I have an abnormal fear that I'm going to be the screw-up, irresponsible child.  So I do what I'm supposed to in order to keep the familial status quo. Until now.  At 25, I'm rebelling:  I'm going to Chile for two months to live, work, and travel. 

Now, for most folks, this is probably not a big deal.  In fact, many families encourage these types of activities.  But for my family, this is probably not the best "life choice."  Not that I hold anything against my family--quite the opposite.  I love them for their Midwestern pragmatism and ultimate value in our family.  I also want to clarify that my family is not "small minded," provincial, or unadventuresome.  We just don't really do the study abroad thing.  Too far, too scary, too far from the family (we are all very, very close), and why live somewhere when you can go on vacation...with the whole fam.  So, my 2 month stint to Chile is raising eyebrows, to say the least. 

I'd be lying if I didn't agree with some of their concerns:  It's expensive, yes.  I don't proficiently speak the language. I don't know a single soul there.  And I've never been away from my family for more than a month at a time, and even then they were only 150 miles away.  I would be pulling the wool if I didn't admit that I will probably cry at some point because I miss them so much.  But I just can't get past what I'm gaining. 

A chance a fluency.  Realizing a life dream by going to a country I have always dreamed about. Reading Neruda...at Neruda's home.  Seeing the second highest mountain range in the world.  Visiting the southern-most city in the world.  Traveling up Matchu-Pichtu.  Working for an international non-profit.  And on, and on, and on.

So I've finally found a reason to "rebel."  So what if I'm 25, and this isn't really a rebellion.  For me, I'm breaking the ultimate rule:  I'm doing something my parents don't entirely approve of.  And that makes my sad in a very deep place in my heart.  But it also makes me feel wild, reckless, and young.  More than anything, I know that this is the right choice for me.  

I guess I had to grow up in order to rebel.  

In Her Shoes...Wish I Was!

This time of year always makes me with I had the strength of Toni Collette in "In Her Shoes."  In the movie, Toni is an attorney who quits her job as a firm associate and takes up dog-walking instead.  

Toni, I wish I had your strength, because I'd love to do that right now!

Finals time always makes me wish I was doing something else with my life.  90% of the time I appreciate my legal education, and deep-down I know that a law degree will benefit me in my career. But for 2 weeks in April (and 2 weeks in December), my mind starts to wander toward all the other careers I wish I'd chosen. 

When the weather is gorgeous outside like it has been this week, I do wish I had Toni's job.  I love dogs, I love to be outside, so bring on the dog walking.  

Mostly, I daydream of working for the Travel Channel.  Samantha Brown doesn't have anything on me!  I'm convinced that my voice is less annoying than hers.  I would really care what my job assignment was, as long as I got to travel all over the world.  I would almost (ALMOST) do an Andrew Zimmern and eat weird foods.  ALMOST.  

At any rate, I would be the happiest girl in the world if I could have my own Travel Channel show.  I've thought of a few spins to pitch to the TC folks, but if anyone has great ideas, pass 'em along!

Until then, I'll be walking dogs with Toni Collette...

Hot Spot

I've just discovered the biggest benefit to the location of my new apartment:  FIREMEN.

Yup, that's right.  I live a block from a fire station.  You might think this is annoying because of the sirens, etc.  However, I haven't really been bothered by sirens at all.  And it does make me feel good that if my 110 year old home burns, the big hoses are just a block away.  

But who even cares about all that?  Every day at 4 p.m., the most GORGEOUS and buff men run right by my house.  In fact, one offered to help me with my groceries the other day!  They run by in a little pack...smiling...mmmm.  Wide shoulders, athletic, and braves danger every day?  Um, yes please!

I'm living every girl and gay man's dream!  Come on over ladies and guys!  We'll class it up and put lawn chairs out and drink wine while we wave and bat our eyelashes.  :)

Sometimes Mother Does Know Best

I've officially had my finals breakdown for this semester.  Without fail, I have a moment before the "finals funnel" (those 2-3 weeks before exams) when I break down under the pressure of going through another finals period.  The thought of that horrible week just weighs on my until I break down in sobbing tears.  

Only this year, I had a weird version of the breakdown.  Instead of having 24 hours of inconsolable crying, I had 3 days of just...blah.  I wasn't sad, but I sure as hell wasn't happy.  I wasn't bawling, but I teared up constantly at any slightly sentimental thought.  Part of this might have to do with the fact that it was grey and rainy outside, but I still know that it was also my finals breakdown.  

So I did the only thing I knew would make it better:  I called my mom.  She suggested that I come home for the weekend to clear my head.  Of course, I freaked out at the thought of losing so much studying time, but decided to go home anyway. 

And you know what?  It was the perfect solution.  I got good sleep, ate ridiculously good home cooked meals, went to our little downtown festival (and bought a cute vintage pillbox hat for $5!), got a massage, and spent time with my grandparents.  And amazingly, I got an entire class outlined!  Something about being at home helps me prioritize my time (It probably doesn't hurt that my mom bribes me.  "I'll make pound cake if you meet your study goal for the day").  

So my trip home was the perfect medicine.  Sometimes mother really does know best.

40 year thoughts

I did not start this blog as an outlet for my more serious (and therefore) private thoughts.  As my friends know, I have a serious side, I just prefer to keep it to myself.  There are things I care passionately about--the environment, animal abuse, the downfall of public education, the foster care system, to name a few--but I don't always make it a point to share my thoughts or opinions on those matters.  This is probably because I feel inadequate next to my law school counterparts who seem so much more knowledgeable than I am.  

But today is a special day, and I don't feel like keeping it to myself.  Forty years ago today, one of our last genuine leaders was killed.  And yes, I say "our" because we led us all--the whole rainbow--toward a better future for America.  I don't need to go on a long diatribe about all the achievements of MLK, or to talk about what it would be like if he were still alive, or anything like that.  I want to talk about what is pissing me off.

My own generation.  That's right folks, I'm disappointed in us.  

As part of the techie generation, my social life is semi-centered around Facebook.  My "status" message today was "Katie is thinking about this day 40 years ago."  Not one, two, or three, but SIX DIFFERENT PEOPLE asked me what happened 40 years ago.  Are you kidding me?!??!?!  What have we become other than an ungrateful generation who takes absolutely everything for granted???

Now I know that history is not the most exciting subject in high school (I have a lot more to say about that, too, but  not now).  But that history is REAL and directly impacted the way WE live our very privileged lives here in 2008.  For example:

Loving v. Virginia, which was only decided 50 years ago, decriminalized the love life of good friends of mine.  Too bad people are still quick to point out that they are a bi-racial couple rather than seeing them as two people in love.

Rachel Carson almost single-handedly started the Environmental movement 46 years ago.  Silent Spring was a wake-up call and we're still hitting the snooze button.

100 years ago, it was legal to discriminate against Jews, the Irish, Italians, Greeks, etc. in the labor, housing and educational markets.  And black folks get their own sad history in that arena.  While discrimination against those groups is no longer "legal" (ahem), it is still perfectly legal to discriminate against someone because they are gay, lesbian, or transgender.

Asian-Americans were put in concentration camps, on AMERICAN SOIL, just 65 years ago.  The U.S. did not formally apologize for this until 1988, and we still refer to it as "internment" because we don't want to recognize our own prejudices during sacred "war times."  Guantanamo, anyone?

Only 35 years ago, I won the right to control my own reproductive system thanks to Roe v. Wade.  That right is under serious threat.  Welcome back to the alleys and wire hangers, ladies.

Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed 40 years ago today, and we still haven't fixed half of what he fought for.  In fact, it's 40 years later and this is the first time we're had a viable African American candidate for the presidential office.  And his race is still a main issue.

Those dates may seem like a long time ago, but they weren't.  It's hard for we 20-somethings to imagine what America was like 30, 40, 50, or even 100 years ago, but the fact remains that those eras were real.  People really lived through and experienced those moments.  People suffered and fought battles--in war, in the courts, on paper--because they believed that they were working for important social change in this country.  And Generation Y is thanking them by forgetting their sacrifices.

That just flat out embarrasses me. 

Perhaps September 11, 2001 is "our history."  Maybe that's our legacy.  But never forget theway it changed YOUR life, and how it will change the lives of your children.  Because one day, your kids will think you're just an old person telling a sad story, and they won't be able to relate.  It's our job to keep the history of that day alive, as an honor to everyone who suffered, died, rescued, and stood in horror watching.  

Just like it's our job to remember MLK today.   So thank you, Dr. King, for reminding us all that there is still time to "rise up tonight with a greater readiness.  Let us stand with greater determination.  And let us move on in these powerful days, these days of challenge, to make America what it ought to be.  We have an opportunity to make America a better nation."  

He's not with us, but let's keep pushing toward the Promised Land. 

Rainy Day Greys...

Why do people call them the rainy day blues?  I happen to like the color blue, and it makes me feel peaceful.  Rainy days, however, do not.  They make me feel downright grey.  

I'm finding myself feeling pretty negative today (It's rainy and cold outside, I have a make-up class I don't want to go to, too much reading to do, etc.).  So instead of whining, I'm going to spill my three happy things that I am grateful for this week:

1. I got back in touch with a good friend from college.  Not sure why we lost touch, but I think about her all the time.  It feels good to know that we're still friends despite the lag.

2. We had 2 gorgeously warm and sunny days.  Even though it's chilly and rainy today, spring is definitely on it's way!  There isn't really anything that makes me happier than springtime!  Derby is only 4 weeks away!!!

3. I finally figured out my classes for next semester and I cemented my summer independent study.  If all goes as planned, I'll be doing an externship at Legal Aid next year instead of taking so many classes.  This thought makes me exceptionally happy!  

4. I can't help but add a fourth:  CHILE CHILE CHILE.  I can't stop thinking about it!  

I'm going to try to remember these things today...even though the rain is still pouring down outside.

A Few Other Things Y'all Don't Know About Me...

Bagel's tag got me thinking.  I feel compelled to share a few other weirdo things about me that most people don't know.  I'm considering it part of my self-realization to share this with y'all:

1. If I could go back and choose another career, I'd either be an FBI agent or a 3rd grade special-needs teacher.  I'd also love to work for the Travel Channel, but I think most people know that already.  

2. The mirror in my bedroom is positively and certainly a skinny mirror.  I look very tall (ahem, like 5'5" or so) in it, and very thin.  I shamelessly refuse to get a new one.  I pretend like the reflection is real.

3. As ridiculously girly as I am, I HATE to do: anything to my nails/toes, brush my teeth (don't worry, I do, twice a day, but I don't like it), or diet.  I LOVE to: exfoliate, moisturize, curl my eyelashes, and eat junk food like Twizzlers but justify it as "fruit." 

4. I would postulate that most of my friends think I am an organized person.  Truth is:  I'm a mess.  I never hang up my clothes until the pile is really big, I leave dishes in the sink constantly, and I have virtually no organization system for my school work/notes.  My bathroom is a disaster (just ask my parents about this).

5. I am horrible when it comes to doing important tasks like:  calling the cable company to cancel the internet I don't need, returning my insurance agent's annoying calls,  depositing checks, or returning things before the 30 day period.   And if someone reminds me to do those things, I get incredibly irritated.

6. I complain about my Mom, but I really really really really REALLY hope I can be just like her.  Minus the way she drives.

7. I do not forgive easily, and I'm likely to bring up something from 3 years ago in a fight.  It's not fair, and I know it.

8. I truly have ZERO desire to be a stay-at-home mom.  Not that I think anything is wrong with it, it's just not me at all.

9. I wish I was Latina.  Or at least not so painfully plain and boring with no connection to my ancestry.  I "come from" (hate this phrase...my family has been here for 200 years!  I'm just flat-out American) the land of potatoes and beer...not too exciting.  But I can't be more exciting, so I make up for it by staying incredibly blonde.  :)

10. I truly think my dog understands me when I talk to her.  Just because she can't respond doesn't mean she doesn't know what I'm saying.

11. (My favorite number)

12. I have never had a desire to get in a physical fight, but if I encountered someone who I know is or has been violent to animals, I might kill him/her. 

Now y'all know everything you need to know about me!!!

10 Random Things About Me (Thanks Bagel)

So I received my first "blog tag" and the subject is 10 Random Things About Me.  So here goes:

10. I secretly like "gross" foods that girly-girls usually hate:  bologna, hot dogs, and box mac-and-cheese (Note:  I do know that this isn't REAL mac-and-cheese.  It is its own food group.  Real mac-and-cheese is heaven-sent and magnificent, especially if made by Christopher).

9. I procrastinate/jack around most of the time in law school, and then cram really hard in the last 2 weeks before exams.  It's just the way I operate.  I don't get fired up until I'm under pressure.  

8. I'm an ENFP, which apparently means I:  am interested in everything (pretty much true), learn best when several methods are used (very true), need constant change and new things in my life (also very true), love being in love (soooo true), have trouble separating work and leisure time (um, yup), and can be flaky (dammit, that's true).  In short, I am enthusiastic about things until they don't go my way or I get bored.  I think it's best to just call a spade a spade here and admit the truth in that.

7. I would love to be a law professor some day, but I a) don't have the credentials, and b) don't care for academia.  Perhaps as an adjunct teaching law and lit or some type of social justice law?

6. If I had the money, I would not work and just volunteer and travel.  I'd love to combine the two and go on volunteer vacations.  Basically, I wish my life was one big ASB trip.  A major goal in my life is to join the Peace Corps at some point.

5. I am decent at almost everything but not really good at any one thing in particular.  This fact completely depresses me and is a major insecurity for me.

4. I'm vain.  I wish that wasn't true, but I am.  I hate going out of the house looking bad.  I would give almost anything to be one of those naturally beautiful women who can just throw on jeans and t-shirt, put their hair in a ponytail, wear no make-up, and look gorgeous.  Reference point:  my friends Claire & Lucie, Jennifer Garner, and Natalie Portman.

3.  I HATE food/chewing noises.  If I can hear you chewing gum, swallowing a drink, etc., I will instantly be irritated with you.  I get this from my Dad, for sure.

2. I want to write a novel someday.  I've started and stopped several times, probably due to #8 above.

1.  I am happier at this point in my life than I ever have been before.  It's taken 25 years, but I love myself and love my life.  :) 

Now I have to "tag" 5 other people.  Here goes:

Lucie, you will love this!

Heather, of course you're getting tagged!  And I'm dying to know your answers :)

Christopher, I expect to be rolling on the floor laughing

Victoria, take a study break and fill us in!

Claire, do it on facebook!