14 April 2008

Soul Mate v. No Mate

I have never been one to believe in soul mates.   I just don't buy the concept that destiny propels us toward "the one" and only person who is right for our choice of life mate.  I don't think there is just one person, "my other half," who can bring me a lifetime of happiness.  In short, I don't believe that someone else can "complete" you.  That's right, folks, I'm calling Jerry Maguire a liar. 

But two things have caused me to re-evaluate my view of THE SOUL MATE.

First, one of my very closest friends got engaged!  I could not be happier for her, mostly because she is fabulous, her fiance is fabulous, and I know she's not the type to be bridezilla so we can still stay friends throughout the wedding planning hoo-ha.  Truly, I'm thrilled for her.  Is her fiance her soul mate?  I don't know her view on that.  But I do know that he makes her happy, and that's good enough for me. :)

Secondly, I've been watching WAY too much Sex & the City.  I can't explain it, but it's a major player in my finals-studying routine. (I've always been a master at tuning out background noice, and I even think the act of tuning-out noise helps me concentrate better.)   Perhaps I've seen all the episodes so much that it's easy for me to tune them out.  At any rate, it helps me study.  I turn on Carrie & the girls, and get down to work.  Recently, I've been watching the 3rd season, when Carrie cheats on Aidan with Mr. Big.  Mostly, I can't stop thinking about how Carrie had the "perfect" man for her, and yet she couldn't shake Mr. Big. 

Now y'all know that I have my own version of Mr. Big--a guy who hasn't always been there for me, but dammit, I just can't shake him.  So does that make him my soul mate???

My answer is still no.  I still don't believe that there is just one guy out there for me.  If I had the chance to travel the whole world over, I might easily find 20 guys who are "the one."  I think that there are certain things we fall for--certain looks, smiles, philosophies, goals, sense of humor--that attract us to particular types of people.  If we're lucky, we make a connection with someone that is so intense, we can't describe it.  We get high on the bond we form with someone who is so much like us, yet still kind of a mystery.  Sometimes, the bond is so powerful that we dare to call it LOVE.  And if we just can't shake our connection to that person, we call it a soul mate.

The fact that I can't shake my personal Mr. Big doesn't make him my soul mate.  It means that I have yet to meet someone that I have that kind of bond with.  Or maybe it means that no one else will put up with me.  Or maybe I don't want to make another bond.  But it does not, in any way, mean he completes me.  If I never need a man to complete me, just put me out of my misery and remove me from the gene pool.  On my own, sans man, I am perfectly whole.  As a single woman, I'm happier than I've ever been.  

Perhaps I am my own soul mate.  I only need me in order to complete myself.  And my Mr. Big? Well, no one ever said extras were a bad thing.


1 comment:

Little Bagel said...

Wow. We are leading parallel lives these days: I just finished watching Sex & the City too, although I do it to avoid studying and not to accompany studying. ;)

I think the episodes you should go to are the Steve & Miranda episodes. I agree - soul mates are for Hallmark and Hollywood. But I'm convinced that the Steve-Os of the world are the ones we should be looking for: they compliment our styles perfectly and they love us because of our weaknesses and God help me, but I believe they exist.

Although, in your case, unfortunately with a Steve, you'll still have to let your kids get their hair professionally straightened. ;)